Today when I went down to my office there was another person in the hall that stopped by to ask some questions, and had just finished talking with another staff person when I came in. When they left, and I was sitting at my desk writing my sermon I decided to check  my email real quick.  I saw there was a nice response to the blog I wrote a couple of days ago. I decided to go back and reread it, just for fun. As I did I was immediately convicted by my behavior toward the visitor 20 minutes earlier. In my blog I wrote about influencing people by loving them, and making it about them not me.

As I replayed the encounter in my head, I said out loud to myself, “I know my problem”, “I am always in a hurry, wanting to get things done”.  My brain is so focused on my “to do” list, and my next step, that I just don’t think about the present situation that I am in with people with enough focus to have much wisdom or thoughtfulness in my attentiveness to them and the conversation that I could have with them.

It gets discouraging to want to act a certain way, and treat people a certain way, but continually mess up.  Can I change and learn?  Yeh, I can, and I am getting better, but it seems so slow. I wish I could be perfect by next week, oops there I go with that hurry up and git er done stuff.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the first best-selling self-help books ever published. Written by Dale Carnegie (1888–1955) and first published in 1936, it has sold over 30 million copies world-wide.

Jesus said over 2,000 years ago, “this is My commandment, that you love one another just as I have loved you”.  To love people the way Jesus did is to make a difference in their eternity. He did that by taking every person’s sin upon Himself, and then dying for that sin, being punished by God the Father for that sin, effectively taking our place, and paying our bill. We now have the free gift of eternal life with God, not earned nor deserved. But there is a small price we must pay to receive this gift. We must believe that Jesus is God, that He became flesh, that He lived a perfect life, that He took all of our sin upon Himself, that He did indeed die for us, and we need to accept that gift from Him personally.

I can’t do what Jesus did, but I can influence people so they believe and accept this free gift. In order to influence people I must first love them and become their friend. That whole gospel story seems strange to people, as the Bible itself says, it seems foolish. So, it isn’t particularly easy convincing people to believe in and receive the gospel. If I weren’t absolutely convinced of the truth of the gospel I would just live life, and let people do whatever they wanted.

Tonight I went with a bunch of my grandkids and kids to see the new Star Wars movie, “Rogue One”. I think that was the name of it. As I watched hundreds of people get blasted and blown up, and at the end see the heroine of the movie watch as an inferno of fire engulfs her, it prompted me to think about all the people over thousands of years who have died. Where are they now, at this very minute, what are they feeling, thinking, doing, really.

Most of life is a mystery. Most of life we have no control over. There is in me a sense that there is a God. I believe God Himself put that sense in me. As I look around at creation, nature, it seems obvious that there is an intelligent designer and creator, and He must be wise and powerful for all that I see to exist. In me is a strong sense of right and wrong, a belief in the need for justice. That must be from God, there is no other answer that makes sense. If there is a God, and He is wise, and powerful, and good, and just, then He would certainly communicate to mankind. Considering all of the possible options, the Bible is the only reasonable answer.

A person could just wait and see what happens after death. They will certainly know the answers then. But according to the Bible that will be too late.

How many friends can I have? Not on Facebook, but in real life. Is there a point where the number of people that I  know well and would consider my friend maxes out either because of time, or memory, or simple fatigue. I suppose their is, but I have not gotten there yet, and I would like more close friends than I presently have, and I am a strong introvert.

One of my major priorities in life is growing in character every day to be more like Jesus. I desire that very much, but I must know how to make that desire a reality. I have discovered that rapid growth in myself happens most effectively in meaningful community, that is during and in the context of pursuing growing relationships. I want people to like me, not because of ego but because I want to influence them toward a relationship,with Jesus. If they don’t like me they probably are not going to,like my God and Savior, that is just the way it is.

As I pursue people, very much like I pursued Patty when I was courting her, I think about how I act and speak and smile and smell, and listen. It is in the pursuit of meaningful relationships that my character flaws, irritating habits, and lack of relational intelligence becomes magnified so that I can see it and work on it. A super important principle in this lifestyle of pursuing people is, it has to be about them not about me.

I have identified some key attitudes that must be strong in me if I am going to effectively increase the number of meaningful relationships that I have that results in the other person being blessed by God because of me.

The first is accepting them where they are in their growth, and not being critical or judgmental in my thinking toward them because it will come out in my body language, tone of voice, facial expression, in my eyes, and choice of words. It takes great self-control to totally accept another person in your thoughts, but how we think about a person has major impact on how we treat them. It is embarrassing to me how old I was before I figured that one out.

II Timothy 2:5 says, “no soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life”. Most people are entangled in the affairs of everyday life up to their eyeballs! In other words, we are super busy, and much of what we are doing has little eternal value, it is just busy. Life in our culture gets way too busy even while we are sleeping, we don’t even have to work at it, it just happens. Having a full life is great as long as what we are doing we chose to do because of its potential for significant accomplishment. Being too busy with a lot of meaningless busy work, being too busy taking care of too much stuff, being too busy trying to earn more money to buy more stuff that will require more time to use and take care of. People in that busy situation rarely make goals. They don’t have time to choose to do things that matter, they don’t have time to sit down and write 12 goals, they don’t have time to read them everyday, they don’t have time to be in an accountability group. Those who choose not to set goals because they are too busy are in a bad state in life, and it is very hard to get off that merry-go-round, they just keep going round and round, round  and round.

If you are on this merry-go-round force yourself to make some goals, just 6, the first goal is to read your Bible for 15 minutes everyday, the second to pray for 15 minutes everyday, and the remaining 4 will have as their purpose to simplify your life. The simple life, the uncluttered life, the life focused on what matters. Goal number 3 is, “I will write down everything I do in a month in detail”.  Goal number 4 is “I will rank everything on the list with a number of 1 to 5, 1 being super important, and 5 being , busy work”. Goal number 6 is “I will eliminate all number 5 activities from my life.” This will make a huge difference in your life if you have the guts to do it.

It is said that fear of failure is most people’s greatest fear, especially men, but I think it is really fear of shame. Asking God to deliver and protect from shame is a prayer that is prayed often by David in the Psalms. This very strong fear is what motivates us to play it safe in life, to stay in the rut we are in, and not to do anything that would make us look bad, weak, dumb, incompetent, or a failure. From my experience in trying to get people to set personal goals in order to grow, and having so many resist or quit, I have come to the conclusion that this fear is the main reason why. Once a goal is set, in our mind the potential for looking bad has increased. What is interesting is that it seems to be as much about what we think of ourselves as what others think of us. Self-worth is a very strong human value, even a real need. Instead of building our own sense of worth proactively we tend to do it by protecting ourselves from shame, and living a life of low risk.

A super important principle to know and live by is that our sense of self-worth is what the Bible calls glory. We were created with God’s glory, and then lost it when we sinned, and we all are desperately trying to get it back. The only source of glory that satisfies our hearts is God. We try to get it from other people, from ourselves, by winning, accomplishing, bragging, owning, and from physical appearance, but the sense of worth that comes from those things is short lasting and has deminishing return.

God gives glory to those who give glory to Him, those who honor Him, He honors. There are numerous ways to glorify God with our life, and a major way is stated in the Gospel of John 15:7, “by this is My Father glorify, that you bear much fruit”. Goal setting is a great tool to bear much fruit for God.

1 Corinthians 9:25-27  Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave,

“I discipline my body and make it my slave”. Addictions are a big deal with many, if not most people. Alcohol, drugs of every kind, gambling, pornography, smoking, video games, television, and then there is the self control issues of anger, and over-eating, that many struggle with. “I discipline my body and make it my slave”. How do we do that? “Discipline my body and make it my slave”. That sounds wonderful. It would be nice if it were as easy as putting on tan pants instead of blue ones, but it obviously is not.

The best tool that I have used in my own battle to “discipline my body and make it my slave” is goal setting, and as I Have counseled people over the years as a pastor, no other tool has been as effective in helping people grow and gain victory over their flesh as goal setting has.

The challenge now is getting people to exercise the self-control to actually write out their goals and then to read them everyday. It doesn’t seem like it would take that much effort to make myself  write a dozen goals and read them  daily, but it seems like it does.

I have found that if a man will become part of a weekly accountability group where he gives a report to half dozen peers on his successes and failures in writing, reading and pursuing his goals, the whole process becomes 10X as effective.  The same is true for ladies. It is not guaranteed, nothing really is, but the number of people who are successfully conquering the Giants in their life and growing in character increases dramatically.

A dozen basic guidelines to help in writing good goals for 2017.

1. A goal is only wishful thinking if it isn’t written down.

2. A good goal, that motivates must be measurable, you know if you hit the bullseye or if you missed.

3. A well written goal is a complete sentence and begins with “I will”.

4. A well written goal is clear, precise, and as short as possible.

5. A good goal is achievable, but not wimpy.

6. A good goal moves us, stretches us, and results in us growing and improving.

7. A good goal has perfect balance between creating pressure in us that motivates us to move out of our comfort zones, but not being so difficult that it discourages and demotivates us. The more you set goals for yourself the more skilled you become at achieving this balance in your goal setting.

8. Your package of goals should have  balance between the various areas of your life; spiritual, family, job, health, home, finances, fun, and character.

9. Your package of goals should include at least one B-HAG, a “Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal. A goal that is very hard to accomplish, but will result in significant accomplishment, growth or fun, and lots of memories and stories to tell.

10. At least one of your goals should require you to learn something new, new knowledge or a new skill or both.

11. At least one of your goals should require you to go someplace you have never been before.

12. At least one of your goals should require you to do something you have never done before.

It really helps to read the goals that others have written, especially from those who have experience in writing and pursuing goals. I would love to read yours when you finish and you are welcome to get a copy of mine.

The skill of goal setting is so powerful in growing and accomplishing significant things with our life that we should always be a student of this skill. There is a lot of very good information written on the topic. I am always reading new material on goal setting. There is more good information on the internet than you could read in two lifetimes. There is so much good stuff if you start reading an article or book and it doesn’t hold your attention, chuck it and move to another one.

Of  all the rules, principles, guidelines, and techniques there are to writing, pursuing, and accomplishing your goals the most important is read them everyday.  (this is presuming that you know that a goal is not a goal of it isn’t written down) If you read your goals everyday you will accomplish a high percentage of them, and if you don’t read them everyday you will accomplish only a few, if any. I wrote 68 goals and it takes me about 5 minutes to read them, that isn’t much of a price to pay to have high success in accomplishing even the hardest of your goals. Our brains do a lot of thinking and decision making on auto pilot, so we need to program them to move us in the direction of our goals. It is the shear volume of the information that programs our brains, the repetition. In the Bible the word meditation is used in several places as the key to doing and obeying God’s Word. Meditation is simply going over and over the verses until it is engrained in us or in our subconscious thinking. I write all my goals in simple, concise, complete sentences and they all start with “I will”.  My goals are not only a statement of what I want to do they are a commitment. God loves commitment, His power flows to commitment. By reading them everyday my resolve and determination to accomplish my goals goes up and up. I have my goals on my phone, my iPad, my laptop and my desk top computer in my office. I also have a goal App on my phone and IPad where I record progress and accomplishment everyday. It is quick and easy and increases motivation and success. This is just like brushing your teeth. You work hard at developing the habit and you do it faithfully using whatever reminders you need  to make it happen, and most importantantly you never, ever allow  forgetfulness, laziness,  or  business to be an excuse for not reading your goals everyday. If you forget you acknowledge that you messed up,and recommit to doing it. Do not settle for anything less than reading your goals everyday.

Many people react to the word goals, it seems secular, mostly about making more money, and sort of opposite the spirit-led faith walk.  Repentance is a good Bible word, and the Bible says that Jesus went everywhere preaching, “repent”. When He sent His disciples out to preach in all the towns of Israel, he told them to say, “repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand”. Repent means to change. We first change in our thinking, and acknowledge that we are acting wrong, then we make a commitment or decision in our mind and heart to change and then we change our behavior. That sounds just like goal setting to me.  Another Biblical work is faith. Hebrews 11 defines faith as “the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of thing not yet seen”. Think about and meditate on that verse for 30 minutes, and you recognize that “hoped for” and “not yet seen” are in the future, and that “assurance” and “conviction” is strong confidence in a future accomplishment or event. A goal is a statement of faith. Jesus said that if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could move mountains. We all want to grow stronger in our faith. Goals are the weights that cause our faith to grow strong. A goal is a commitment to repent. A goal is a statement of faith. That doesn’t sound secular to me, in fact it sounds very pleasing to God.

there are some critical requirements for goals to work effectively in our life. Lukewarmness is a major problem in every person’s life. One of the wonders of goal setting is how effective they are to start fires in people’s hearts. God is really not into helping any person who is passive about doing something with their life that matters, nor  is He going to do much for the person who is lazy, and constantly praying and asking God to fix his problems and make life easier.

(1) Our potential goals need to be thought about a lot, visualized, pondered on, meditated on, and see what happens to your interest, desire and passion to accomplish the goal. There isn’t much worse in life than pursuing a goal that you really don’t want to do. With me and most that I counsel and teach about goal setting 30 days of mulling over the possible goal results in our passion growing or getting weaker. If it gets weaker postpone the pursuit of that one for another time. You want your goals to be the desires of your heart. I believe a key way God guides me is by putting His will in my heart as a desire. The desires God gives me get stronger as I think and dream about them.

(2) we need to pray about the choosing of our goals, and we need to use our list of goals as a prayer list for the year, daily praying for our goals is good. The Gospel of John has some amazing promises in regards to prayer. In  John 15:7-8 Jesus says, “If you abide in Me and My Words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you”. “whatever I wish”, that is the desire that is me that God put there. Cool, God puts a desire in me because He wants to give it to me or accomplish it through me, and when I pray He does it.  We tend to think of prayer as us asking and God doing, but when we pray God gives us the will and the power to make it happen.

Each of us has a level of “want” in us. That level is what determines more than anything else whether we accomplish a lot with our life or just mow the lawn. You are not born with it, you grow it inside of you. Those who want the most, do the most, they sacrifice the most, they pray the most.