In my Blog yesterday I wrote that one of my tendencies is to “project an image” to people, that is act and talk like someone that I am not because I think it will impress them. Being real is so much more relaxing, being free of thinking about what people think about me is so, so, well so freeing. As I thought about it after writing yesterday’s blog, I asked myself the question, “what is the predominate character that you tend to pretend to be?” Easily the first place prize goes to the mask of “macho man”. That is the mask I wear when I am trying to convince people that I am tougher than I really am, that I am always on my “A” game when dealing with difficult people and always have the perfect response that puts them in their place. The truth is that I am a bit intimidated by aggressive talkers, and usually think of the perfect response an hour after the conversation. In my journal where I write about my journey in life and my struggle to grow to be like Jesus, I call this my “John Wayne” mask. As I reflect on the day I often recall times during the day that I was wearing the John Wayne mask, and as I replay the event I usually feel silly at best and stupid at worst for playing those games as I attempt to impress people with my leadership command. Growing in character is a tough, slow process and if you relax a bit in the fight to grow in purity of motive you can lose everything you have gained in a fraction of the time it took to gain it. Praise the Lord, I am way better than I was, but, my oh my, I have so far yet to go.

One of my life purposes is to be entirely motivated in all my behavior by my love for Jesus which will result in seeking to please Him in all that I do instead of the people around me. I am very aware of the fact that because my job is to minister to people, to preach to them so they know God’s will and His way for their life, to counsel them, and to pray for them, that I can become a people pleaser, that is I would seek the approval of people for what I do. I also realize the fact that I would not become a people pleaser on purpose, but it would happen gradually so that I wouldn’t even notice the change. One of the practices that I watch out for that would indicate a major infection of people pleasing in my heart would be “projecting an Image”, that is pretending to be something and someone that I perceive that people will like and admire. I work at being transparent, real, and genuine in an attempt to keep from being controlled by people’s opinion of what is good, acceptable and cool. Every evening I review the day, examine my life, and confess all known sin to God. This is one of my ministry disciplines. As I think through the day the sin that I commit more than any other is saying things specifically for the purpose of impressing someone with my godliness. As I replay the day and recognize the number of times that I have been a “show off” I get so discouraged with myself, thinking “how can I be an influencer of people when I am so controlled by them”. It is a slow process of becoming and growing into a mature person, that is someone who is secure enough in who they are they don’t have to try and be someone else, but I will work on it becoming more and more that person every day.

Patty and I drove up to Trout Lake, Washington today to visit my Mom. She was doing pretty good, but there was a very noticeable increase in weakness and just being frail. I know it is coming and I am mentally prepared, but it will be a vary sad day when my Mom dies. As we were driving back home this evening I got to thinking about all the men in our church who are my age (70) or older, most who are really good friends, and many who have been in the church working and serving with me for 20 years and longer. I was curious so I pulled out a directory and counted 75 guys 65 years old and older. There are probably going to be a bunch of my friends who die in the next 20 years if I live that long. The Bible says I am able to handle family and friends dying easier than others in the world who have no faith because I am going to heaven and my friends and family are as well. It is going to be a interesting time when my friends and I stand around in heaven telling stories about the good old days.

Patty and I are on the road this beautiful, sunny morning on I-5 just about ready to exit on 205 and there is an accident so the traffic is creeping along at a snails pace, and the freeway sign we just passed said it was going to take an hour to get to I–84. Oh well, Patty is driving and I am drinking coffee and writing this blog so I will choose to be patient and to enjoy the leisurely time. “Choose to be patient”, and “choose to enjoy”, can I do that? Sure I can, I don’t have to let circumstances control my life. The Bible uses the phrase “put on”, like we would choose what we will wear, so we can “put on” or choose to act a certain way in spite of events and emotions.

Colossians 3:12-13 put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other

The problem is many don’t choose how they act, they just do what their “flesh” or “self” dictates or pulls them towards, they do the natural or automatic thing. People who act according to the impulse of their flesh which is prompted by circumstances and events around them will have regular times of conflict and misery in life.

The first step is to acknowledge the fact that we can choose how we act and respond to life problems, no matter how big they may be. Then to acknowledge the fact that there is a right, good and best way to act in every situation. As we start to be one of those who choose to “put on patience” we will find that the pull of our “flesh” to be irritated, angry, and impatient is strong and we will have to “choose” over and over again. As we do that we will eventually train ourselves to be patient and we became a person with the character trait of patience.

The really cool thing for me as a follower of Jesus is that as I pursue the right, good, and best way of acting I have the power of God available to me so I can confidently say ” I can”. Life change and growth won’t be quick or easy, but it will be sure as I continue to “choose”.

When I was in my first 10 years of pastoring I sought advice from just about every pastor I knew on a regular basis. There were a couple of reasons why I did this, the first was because of an intense desire and longing to get better in every area as a pastor. That insatiable thirst for improvement and growth as a pastor drove me to seek for advice and counsel from anybody and everybody who would give it. The second reason is an extension of the first, in that I had a genuine concern for people and their problems. I wanted to be able to help people have good marriages, I wanted to share the gospel so clearly and compellingly that many would believe it and become part of God’s family, and I wanted people to be exceptionally fulfilled as they lived the Christian life for God. I also had a very strong belief in the power of counsel as a source of wisdom in life. Now after 42 years pastoring I find myself in the position of being the one who gives the advice and counsel to those who want it. I enjoy very much coaching guys in ministry who are teachable and humble and will easily learn, change, and grow. There are many who I see struggling in their jobs, their marriage, and with their kids, but are to proud to ask for advice, and so they continue to fail.

Patty came home at 2:00 am this morning from her trip to Mexico with friends. She was gone for almost 2 weeks, and it was sure nice to have her back home and in my life again. This evening when I got home from the church working I suggested we go out to dinner for a celebration date, and get caught up on conversation. Patty responded by saying that she really didn’t want to go any place, she just wanted to stay home. Of course I got my feelings hurt, and after I pouted for awhile she said, I really would like to go out to dinner with you if we can go someplace where we can go like we are, and not have to shower and change, so we went to the “Jefferson Station” and I had rib eye steak, and she had a huge taco salad. The cool thing about “The Jefferson Station” is that it is 5 minutes from our house, we can go as we are, and the food is great. As we sat talking and eating, I thought, ” I sure have a good wife”. My marriage is a major source of emotional energy for me, and all the energy that I lose each day as I minister to hurting people, Patty restores. Way back in 1988 we went to a Steve and Annie Chapman concert and they sang a song entitled “Cup of Love” and the key words were “keep his cup full” and “keep her cup full”. We have worked hard to do that over the almost 50 years of marriage. Me being the romantic husband that I am looked up the song on “You Tube” and played it to Patty, and she responded by saying, “oooooooooooooh our theme song”!

In all the years of marriage counseling that I have done most of the time the wife blames the problems of their marriage on the husband and the husband blames them on the wife. In the past when we have had marriage problems I will determine that I am 100% the problem, but before I can say that to Patty, she will beat me to the punch and say “I am such a rotten wife, please forgive me”. It is so fun to make up after that. 😀

We are having a marriage retreat at Odell Lake Lodge with great food and fellowship, and Patty and I will be teaching 3 sessions during the weekend of April 5th, 6th, and 7th. Go to our website at http://www.jbc.church and click on the “Marriage Retreat” logo and register to go.

God is alive and well, and very much involved in all the details of our life. A major activity of our God as He works to grow us into the character of Jesus is to reward and bless good behavior and choices, and to discipline and curse bad behavior and choices. We can totally mess up and short circuit this plan and strategy of God to make us like Jesus by one activity, that is to blame others for the consequences that God brings into our life for our poor choices, and to consider it luck when someone else succeeds because God blesses them for their good choices. Such an attitude makes it impossible for us to learn how to live and act in a way that pleases the Lord and to grow in character. This plan of God of reward and consequence can result in very rapid growth if we humbly recognize that we are the cause, and thoughtfully connect the dotes between our behavior and the events that occur in our life. As individuals, we often attribute the success of others to luck or circumstances and make excuses for our own failures. We blame our own poor performance on bad luck, circumstances beyond our control, or others. Total responsibility for failure is a difficult thing to accept, and taking ownership when things go wrong requires extraordinary humility and courage. But doing just that is an absolute necessity to learning, growing as a person.

It started with Adam and Eve when Adam blamed Eve when confronted by God about what he had done, and Eve blamed the serpent. So we have this proneness to blame others in our DNA, we inherited it from Adam. That does not mean we are stuck with it, but it does mean that it won’t be easy to conquer this natural desire to blame others and not to take responsibility for our mistakes and the consequences that always come into our life when we do wrong.

Develop the discipline of every night before going to sleep, of examining your life, decisions, behavior, and choices, for that day, owning the responsibility for doing them, not blaming, not even a little bit, and confessing them to God.

Psalms 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

Isaiah 66:2 But to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.