Macho Man or Wimp

In my Blog yesterday I wrote that one of my tendencies is to “project an image” to people, that is act and talk like someone that I am not because I think it will impress them. Being real is so much more relaxing, being free of thinking about what people think about me is so, so, well so freeing. As I thought about it after writing yesterday’s blog, I asked myself the question, “what is the predominate character that you tend to pretend to be?” Easily the first place prize goes to the mask of “macho man”. That is the mask I wear when I am trying to convince people that I am tougher than I really am, that I am always on my “A” game when dealing with difficult people and always have the perfect response that puts them in their place. The truth is that I am a bit intimidated by aggressive talkers, and usually think of the perfect response an hour after the conversation. In my journal where I write about my journey in life and my struggle to grow to be like Jesus, I call this my “John Wayne” mask. As I reflect on the day I often recall times during the day that I was wearing the John Wayne mask, and as I replay the event I usually feel silly at best and stupid at worst for playing those games as I attempt to impress people with my leadership command. Growing in character is a tough, slow process and if you relax a bit in the fight to grow in purity of motive you can lose everything you have gained in a fraction of the time it took to gain it. Praise the Lord, I am way better than I was, but, my oh my, I have so far yet to go.

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