Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
I am reading a good book right now that basically says instead of blaming others when we have conflicts with them, even minor differences of opinion we need to take responsibility for the conflict and through honest self-examination figure out what we did wrong, and what we can do different next time.
Most of us are much more abrasive in our communication than we realize. If we would use conflicts with others as our cue to look for character flaws and relational weaknesses in ourselves we would grow much more rapidly as a leader and an influencer of others.
All of us, even the most gracious, have more bully in us than we realize. It is a basic law of relationships, as soon as we start to boss people around, even just a little bit, we will cause tension in the relationship.
As soon as you get the slightest push back from someone, immediately adjust and evaluate what you just said, the tone of your voice, and even your facial expression.
If your goal is to change someone, you will do that much more quickly, effectively and with more joy on both your parts if you appeal to their conscience rather than fight with their will.
The fastest and most effective route to self-improvement and character growth is learning how to talk graciously to people, when we learn to control our tongue we can control our whole life.