I don’t get sick very often, and I like everyone else hate the experience. What I hate most is the total lack of desire to do anything but sit in my chair. I like my normal feeling of “anxiousness to get something more done”, a restlessness inside of me that If I don’t hurry I am going to miss out out something, an inner urgency to get one more thing crossed off of my todo list! That fire in me makes me feel alive, and is what stirs my dreams for more accomplishment in my life and motivates me to write goals. But as I sit here tonight my fire is out, my engine is dead, my passion is ice, and all I can do is write about it, a rotten state to be in.
I am thinking that one of these days, probably fairly soon, that the physical toll of getting older is going to result in this present feeling being a permanent state, rotten or not. So I am wondering if I am capable of choosing to get out of my chair and pursuing some “Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal’s” when I am feeling as unmotivated as I am tonight. Talk about not acting how you feel, that would be a test. That is basically why I am writing this blog tonight, earlier I thought, “I don’t want to write that stupid blog”, so I got this done. Patty asked earlier if I would go out in our shop and find all of our sleeping bags for our trip to Idaho for Seth’s wedding for the grandkids to use. I growled and grumbled and said I would do it in the morning, I think I will do it right now. Not a very big victory over my unmotivated flesh, but a start. I know how to make it happen anyway, we will just keep working on it, training.