Today two grandsons came over to help me split and stack firewood. They worked hard and we got a lot of wood split and stacked in the wood shed for winter.  All day long as we worked I thought about what I could say so as to influence them so that they would have the character trait of diligence. Parenting and grandparenting ought to have as its goal to build character through influence, training and teaching. When specific character traits are targeted and purposeful training takes place character growth takes place rapidly and permenantly. Every kid is born lazy and building the character trait of diligence takes effort, time, and patience, but truly hardworking kids are rare, and this character trait of diligence will serve them well in life.

Some principles Patty and I followed as parents with our 8 kids to train them in this primary character trait.

1. Never have them work by themselves when they are young. They will just goof off, and the best time to teach the value of hard work is while you work with them.

2. While you are working with them praise, praise , praise

3. While you are working with your child or grandchild be happy, really happy, enjoy the experience of work, and let them see you having fun.

4. Teach, teach, teach. Come up with short statements of wisdom and repeat them over and over again.  A few that I used are; “did you know that the faster you work the more fun it is?” “The best feeling in the world is being tired at the end of the day because you worked hard”.

5. When you work set goals and make everything you can a contest that they can win with diligence.

6. Take breaks that are fun.

7. Have a reward at the end of a project that rewards  good attitude, and working hard.

 

 

 

 

In the parenting class I taught last night at JBC I said that the key to parenting   Ultimately successful kids was to proactively train our kids to have character and in order to do that successfully we needed to identify the particular trait we wanted in our kids.  Then we needed to figure out what it would look like, that is, how it would show up in their behavior. Next we needed to figure out the strategy we would use to instill that particular character trait into their heart and soul so that it was truly who they were on the inside, and not just role playing. And then we needed to figure out how to measure the presence and growth of the particular trait we were targeting so we would know if we were being successful as parent/trainer/coaches or not. We primarily worked on ten character traits. There are many more than that, but we like simplicity so we picked ten. We called our parenting strategy, “Ten traits for tots and teens”. Of the ten, the character trait of being “tough” was probably the most important. That was the inner strength and trust in God that gave them the ability to face trials as a challenge to be won, and not something to fear because of the pain. If we were successful they would not grumble or complain about difficulties or trials that life brings to all. They would be able to carry a large load of responsibility without self pity. They would not be afraid to take a risk in life because of the potential for failure and pain . They would not be paralyzed by the fear of failing. They would not get bitter and angry at God or others because of crisis that resulted in loss and pain. Probably one of the strongest natural traits every person is born with is fear of pain  and the desire for comfort, so training our kids to the opposite took much thought and lots of effort, and  patient training. A major requirement is we had to model toughness by never complaining, rejoicing always, and being positive and pleasant in our treatment of others while in the midst of the trials of life.

Truly successful people influence other people so that they grow in character and become successful people. As a Christian I want to influence people who don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus to trust Him, love Him, and serve Him. As a husband I want to influence men to love their wives the way Christ loves us, as a father I want to influence other Dads who spend all their time at work and watching TV to invest lots of time in the lives of their kids before it is to late. I want to influence people who pray little to pray much, and to influence those who rarely look at the Bible to become those who delight in it. Influence is a skill that can be learned. Influence is leadership. Strong, effective influence or leadership isn’t something that is immediately obvious in that the person with it bowls you over with the force of their personality. Those who have learned the skill of influence live their life with precision and focus knowing what words and actions have the greatest power to move people positively. Those who have learned this skill have great patience knowing that influence is a steady, gentle pressure, not a punch or a shove. Those who are leaders get their greatest joy in life seeing people grow and change because of their influence. It is God’s method of  changing people to become like Him, He uses leaders. He works through faithful, committed leaders who really want to make a positive difference in as many lives as possible. This skill, this ability to influence people is wisdom,  it is strong self-control, it is selfless graciousness, and it is healthy self-worth.  You get it by seeking it diligently, by watching those who have it, by asking them good questions, by reading good books, by practicing ruthless self-examination of character flaws and weaknesses, by journaling, and setting goals.

Successful people are almost always in a hurry. Not a frantic sort of hurry but an awareness that life is short and there is so much I want to do kind of hurry. People in a hurry are always looking for better ways of doing everything. People in a hurry are always choosing activities on the basis of the value of the accomplishment of the activity. People in a hurry are always thinking ahead and planning their life so that they don’t get side tracked or distracted by the unimportant. People in a hurry are anxious to learn from others who have demonstrated that they know how to get a lot done in a short amount of time. People in a hurry have generally learned that doing things with other people is quite a bit more effective than doing things by yourself, and they learn what kind of people increase the efficiency of their life. People in a hurry have learned the value of passion and joy and enthusiasm in maintaining an up tempo pace for most of their awake time. Life is short and there is so much I want to do. Life is short and there is so much I really, really want to do. Life is short and there is so much really cool stuff that I just have to accomplish. Life is short and there are so many places that I want to go. Psalms 90 was written by Moses and in it he says, “Our life is over soon and then we fly away” so “teach us to number our days so that we might present to You a heart of wisdom”. Wisdom being who we are in character. At 68 there isn’t a lot of time left and there is still so much more that I want to do, I better hurry.

we talk to ourselves all day long, and the nature and content of our self-talk is a major factor in our level of success. Our natural bent in the all day long conversation that we have with ourself is selfish, negative, and critical. We naturally and easily feel sorry for ourselves and in our self-talk “I am so tired”, “I am not being treated fairly”, “why am I doing this anyway”, is common. Angry , self-pity,  bitter, critical, judgmental, immoral, covetous, and prideful self-talk does not motivate us to endurance, and accomplishment, but we talk ourselves into being quitters, unfaithful, and mediocre in what we do. The wrong kind of negative, and self destructive conversation with ourself will happen without effort or thought because we are programmed that way by the world. Successful people have developed the discipline and skill of hearing themselves and changing the inner conversation quickly to be positive, affirming, and tough. Proverbs says “as a man thinks within himself, so he is”. I do this by memorizing Bible verses that correspond to every area of negative self-talk that I do, and when I hear myself starting in a wrong direction I choose to start mentally meditating on a passage of scripture. An example is when I think “boy, I am so tired” I go over Psalms 18:31-34 a number of times thinking about each word and its application to me,” For who is God but the Lord, and who is a rock except our God, the God who girds me with strength and makes my way blameless, He makes my feet like mountain goats feet and sets me upon my high places, He trains my hands for battle so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze”. It really does work. We are what we think about. We talk ourselves into who we are.

 

Dee’s Goals for 2017

1. I will work with John and plan every detail of our 7,000 mile bicycle trip of hitting all lower 48 States in the summer of 2018.

2. I will plan and ride a 1,700 mile bicycle trip around the State of Oregon in June.

3. I will start an 8 am class on Sunday mornings and will begin with teaching the book of Revelation.

4. I will start up my aquaponics system using cat fish instead of tilapia.

5. I will build an attic in my shop that is very accessible as a place to store auto parts, building material, occasionally used tools etc.

6. I will start a Wednesday night service in the Discipleship Center. I will begin with teaching on how to raise good kids.

7. Patty and I will have new people to JBC to our home or take out to dinner at least 10 times.

8. I will develop an effective assimilation system for JBC and will successfully have 25% of all first time visitors as regulars.

9. I will lead and develop the small group ministry at JBC attempting to start 6 new groups.

10. I will ride my stationary bicycle for 6 hours each week.

11. I will lift weights using the “Strong Lift 5X5” program for 3 hours each week.

12. I will start the project of building the XR3 Hybrid three wheeled car.

13. I will find a good inventory App for my IPad, and inventory everything in my shop with storage location.

14. I will pray with Patty at least 3 times each week.

15. I will take Patty on a date at least twice each month that is enjoyable for her.

16. I will pray for the JBC prayer letter each week.

17. I will faithfully pray for each person that I respond to with an email, a text, or written note before I push send.

18. I will pray for visitors to church twice each week for three months, and I will correspond with them personally at least twice during that time letting them know that I am praying for them and requesting needs to pray for.

19. I will pray through my prayer directory of every person in the church every week, and keep my iPad prayer journal current with names, pictures, and needs.

20. I will attend an average of three corporate prayer events at JBC each week.

21. I will pray for each of my kids, son in laws, daughter-in-law, and grandkids every day.

22. I will pray for a list of lost people in my life every day.

23. I will maintain a personal prayer journal in my IPad that I will record personal and family prayer requests in.

24. I will spend at least 14 hours each week in personal, private prayer.

25. Of the 14 hours of personal prayer at least 1 hour will be on my kneeling bench in my office.

26. I will phone my mother at least once each week.

27. I will write a blog and publish it online at least 300 times in 2016.

28. Of the 6 “face to face” men’s accountability groups that I lead, I will hand off at least 2 of them to another leader who is in the group.

29. I will start 3 more “face to face” men’s accountability groups.

30. I will build a lean-to on the front of my shop that will be used to park cars.

31. I will read at least 100 pages in good books each week, and I will work at doing this while I ride my stationary bicycle.

32. I will listen to at least 2 sermons on line each week, and I will work at doing this while I lift weights or ride my stationary bike.

33. I will faithfully memorize Bible verses using the “Scripture Typer” program on my IPad. I will have 700 verses mastered by the end of the year and be ranked 150.

34. I will roof and enclose the back lean-to on the shop.

35. I will rebuild the 1986 Ford 300 engine and pick-up.

36. I will plan and save so as to finance as much as possible a one week family camping/fishing trip to the Brownlee Reservoir in Richland, Oregon in the first week of June, working at getting as many of the kids and grandkids to come as possible.

37. I will exert great discipline and effort to keep my weight under 200 pounds.

38. I will read 10 chapters each day in my Bible.

39. I will build an apple grinder and press to make apple juice from our apples.

40. I will plant 10 more fruit trees in our orchard.

41. I will put in posts and wires to support a “fruit hedge” in our orchard.

42. I will learn how to do taxidermy and do a full body mount on the cougar that I killed last year.

43. I will do a 3/4 “through the wall” mount of my bear skin.

44. Patty and I will take each of our kids and their spouses out to dinner.

45. I will go salmon fishing in Soldotna, Alaska in July, attempting to bring a grandson, or son, or son-in-law.

46. I will go skydiving.

47. I will faithfully, systematically, and accurately keep track of my use of time every day.

48. I will make a weekly and a daily “to do” list and read it several times each day.

49. I will pray for at least 25 hours in each of the
four “Five Day Prayer” events.

50. I will attend at least two seminars that will enhance my ministry.

51. I will write 50 hand written notes each week to birthday and anniversary people, new people, and people I have prayed for.

52. I will attend the COV prayer summit at Cannon Beach in February and the NWCBA prayer summit at Tadmore in October.

53. I will plan, organize, promote and lead 12 pastor accountability lunches in 2017.

54. I will prepare well and teach five different leadership classes from October to the end of May at JBC, three “Leadership I classes”, one “Leadership II class”, and one “Leadership III class”.

55. I will remind, promote, and pray for our JBC goal of 2020 in average weekend worship service attendance by the end of the year 2020.

56. I will learn how to weld using the Cobra 2000 Oxy/Acetylene system.

57. I will rebuild the back deck and roof.

58. I will use Facebook as a tool to connect with people and work hard to pray for any needs that I read and write that prayer in Facebook.

59. I will build some outside stairs to the second floor of our house with an entrance.

60. I will faithfully begin every day with a prayer of commitment declaring Jesus as Lord of my life, and asking for His guidance, His strength, and His wisdom for the day.

61. I will take voice lessons from Daniel Summers.

62. I will go on a deer hunt in Wyoming in November with Seth and attempt to shoot a big mule deer.

63. I will paint our house.

64. I will with the help of others get all the engineering done for a new parking lot on the new property north of the church, and begin on that project.

65. I will pray every day for Mike Dedera and ask God for wisdom in how to transition leadership of JBC from me to him seamlessly over the next 10 years.

66. At least two times each week I will journal about my self-evaluation of my character flaws focusing on the one character trait out of 26 that I am focusing on for one week.

67. I will go hunting with Seth in the Steens Mts for elk using my black powder riflle.

68. I will go tuna fishing.

69. I will read these goals at least twice each week.

One of my favorite pictures.  My granddaughter Blakley giving me some advice on how and what to do to fix my 1949 Ford F-1 pickup.

A major part of the true definition of a successful person is the health, unity, and love of there relationships, especially their family. As an old proverb goes, “a lot of people who are climbing the ladder of success get to the top only to find out that the ladder they are climbing is leaning on the wrong building”. True success is all about right priorities and values. I don’t think anybody will get to the end of their life and feel like they spent to much time with their wife, or kids, or grandkids, but I bet a lot of people as an old person looking back on their life will wish they had spent more.

Successful people know the value of training, teaching, and counseling from others who have done what they want to do. I am going to teach a class on parenting.  I will also teach on  influencing your grandchildren as well, and how to have a good relationship with our adult kids and how to influence them, starting this Wednesday night at 6:45 to 7:45 at Jefferson Baptist Church. It will be a series that will last for several months. There is AWANA for your kids which is a wonderful program, and child care for infants.

God as God feels joy and sorrow. A major source of His joy is us His children doing well, just as it is with earthly fathers. When God feels pleasure because we are doing well we sense that pleasure in us and feel wonderful, we “enter into the joy of the father”. Entering into the joy of the Lord is a true and unselfish self worth.  A variety of things motivate us in life, “fear of loss”, “hope of reward”, but doing what we do and doing it well because we know the Lord sees and wanting to please Him is a very powerful motivator. John 8:29-30 Jesus says, “the Father is with Me, and I always do the things that please Him” in 2 Corithians 5:9 Paul says, “his ambition was to please the Lord”. Many get caught up in pleasing people, and it seems that when pleasing the Lord becomes a stronger and stronger motivation in our life it replaces and pushes out the unhealthy desire to be a people pleaser. To be truly successful in life you must have a strong motivation to do something that matters, and being motivated by the desire to please the Lord is a very strong source of motivation and it endures.