How to Find a Good Wife

When I went to College I was wife hunting. I wanted to get married, I was going to be a successful dairy farmer, and every successful dairy farmer I knew had a good wife. I didn’t want to just get married, I wanted to marry a good wife, like what is described in Proverbs 31. So when I say I was wife hunting, I was’t looking for an available female close to my age, I was looking for someone special that would be a very good wife, a perfect wife. How does a 19-year-old boy go about hunting a wife? He comes up with a list of character traits like in Proverbs 31, but not quite so long. I had a list of five character traits, that were clear, easy to understand, and hopefully easy to spot. I was determined not to compromise on these character traits even if she was mind-numbing beautiful.

The first one was that she would be someone who was nice to other people, not just to other nice people, people who were easy to be nice to, but to people that it would be hard to be nice to, people that no one else was nice to.

One day I was walking through campus, and I saw Fred wearing a sport coat, a tie, and his hair was cut and combed. Fred was a really smart guy in our class but he was strange. He had a stroke when he was a young kid and it affected him physically in a number of ways, and it really affected his brain. As I said he got good grades but he didn’t know how to relate to people. He regularly said very inappropriate things, he never showered or brushed his teeth, his clothes were always dirty, his hair was long and messy, and he invariably had his shirt buttoned up in the wrong holes. Because of the way he was he didn’t have any friends, most of the kids on campus avoided him. So when I saw him all spruced up looking very sharp I was surprised to say the least. I asked him what was going on and he said “I got a haircut! so I decided to take a shower, shave, and brush my teeth, then I decided to dress up a little, so I bought myself some new clothes.” I said, “all that because of a haircut?” He responded with an emphatic, “yep!” I then asked what prompted the haircut and he said, “Patty asked me if she could give me one and I said sure! I wasn’t going to turn down a free haircut from a pretty girl!” Patty who,” I responded, “Patty Burtner, nicest girl I know.”

My wife hunting beeper started to go off. I wonder how she is on the other four? I think I will find out.

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