Someone said to me the other day in a conversation we were having that he thought I was the most confident person he had ever met. I thanked him for the compliment, went back to the topic we were talking about, and didn’t respond on the subject of confidence. It kind of caught me off guard a bit, and I didn’t know exactly what to say. I got to thinking about it later, and even journaled extensively about it trying to figure out what it was he saw in me that prompted the compliment.
I think confidence is probably the wrong word. What I do have is a very strong faith in God, not just in His existence, but in His personal interest in me as an individual, so my confidence is a result of my belief that He will always provide me with guidance, wisdom, protection, and strength. Because of this faith in Him I am not afraid of failing so I will try most anything. Because my relationship with the Lord is so real, that is, I have a very strong sense of being special to Him, which results in wanting to please Him with my behavior. The result is that I am not affected much by people’s opinion of me. I care for people and I want to treat them well, but my sense of worth and value comes from God. The result is a freedom from trying to project an image in order to impress people which results in a lack of intimidation and no fear of looking dumb.
My faith is not something that I have willed into existence, it is the result of my devotion to prayer and my lifestyle of prayer. In 1969 I made seven very clear goals in regards to prayer because I wanted to make prayer the most important activity in my life. I made those goals at that time because I felt like a total failure as a Pastor and I had zero confidence in my ability ever to do better. I pursued those goals relentlessly, sometimes purely out of duty, often with little faith or awareness of God’s presence, but I rarely missed keeping my commitment to the amount of time I had made the goal to spend in prayer. After a season of this ”dry as dirt duty” praying because of my goals I began to change as prayer became the delight of my heart.
Prayer is probably the most faith requiring activity there is. When you pray you are talking to a God you can’t see so you must believe that He exists, you must believe that He hears, you must believe that He cares, you must believe that He will answer, and you must believe that He enjoys and desires our time in prayer. As a result when we pray our faith grows, and the more we pray the more it grows, and the greater our faith in prayer the more we desire to pray and the more power we have in prayer.
So I guess I am confident, super confident, and it came from being a failure with zero confidence.