For most of my life I have had a gift from the Lord, being naturally motivated and having an abundance of energy. I have always made goals, to do lists, and I am always trying to get more done than I did the day before. I have a difficult time sitting for very long before I am off on a new project. I am never happier than when I am super busy, and the most rewarding feeling for me is being dead, dog tired at the end of a day. I don’t think it was anything special I did, I think that it is just the way God wired me. You can call it a blessing or a curse, but for me, most of my life I have looked at it as a huge blessing from God.
I have always had days in the past where I was totally unmotivated to do anything, but it rarely ever lasted more than a day, and then I was back pushing to get a new project done.
But for the last month I have been struggling with being totally unmotivated to do anything, not depressed, just a general lack of energy, physically and emotionally. I am still being faithful to my duties, responsibilities, and disciplines getting them done with shear discipline and self-control, but it is a drag. I find myself drawn to my recliner to take a nap all through the day.
I don’t know what the cause is, but I would like to figure it out and fix it. It could simply be old age and naturally declining energy, it could be this COVID thing that has my schedule all off course, and my dreams and goals on hold, it could be related to my having Parkinson’s, and it getting worse, most people with Parkinson’s struggle with this.
If it is one of the above or a combination of all three I probably am going to have to grow in self-control and discipline so I can continue to bear fruit for the Lord and bear even more and more fruit, even if I don’t feel like doing anything. I have been journaling a bunch of late on the necessity of doing just that as a possible new chapter in my life.
I don’t like feeling tired, I don’t like getting less done rather than more, I don’t like feeling like a wimp, I don’t like feeling old.
I am not writing this as an attempt to get sympathy from you, and I am certainly not looking for advice on how to fix it, though I am not above getting counsel from friends on dealing with stuff they have already gone through. What I am wanting to do is write about my journey through life, describing the challenges and struggles that I have, and how I deal with them. Always a pastor at heart and gifting I want to teach, influence, and encourage those in my life to always live for the lord and run the race set before us with endurance and joy. The best way I know how to do that now is by modeling, by being an example to those going through similar struggles. That is my goal with this daily blog.
….. me too for the most part ….. you are an encouragement.
Thank you Pastor Dee. This is very encouraging!! We got you in our prayers!! Keep being such an inspiration!! You remind me of how I believe Paul was,in that you never stop running the race, even when it gets difficult. Remember to rest though, sometimes we need to! God bless you and your family!! 🙂
Dee, one of my frequent prayers for myself is that God will increase the size of my ‘wanter’. You have been a significant encouragement to me over the past 10-15 years as an example of someone who is highly motivated and yet also faithful over the long haul. (I tend to be a ‘flash in the pan’ sort of person — highly motivated at first, but then it fizzles out over time.)
It is strangely encouraging to me that you occasionally struggle with lack of motivation, and that you don’t see it as something to submit to, but rather to struggle against through more self-control and discipline.
I have to admit I haven’t been praying for you, although I read your blog pretty much every day. I will add you to my evening prayers, praying that God will restore your emotional and physical energy. He does delight in testing or proving His saints — maybe you are just being proved again!
Thank you for the prayer!
Thanks Dee for sharing your struggle and what you are doing about it. Your example is motivating!
Pastor Dee, For what it’s worth. I like to go to bed at a certain time, and get up at a certain time as a discipline; I have things to do. However, I read that as we get older, we may NEED more sleep to remain healthy, mentally and physically. Therefore I give myself permission to go to bed earlier, or sleep in on Saturday morning, and commit to doing it. When I do, I feel mentally more alert and more motivated. (Not withstanding, I’m getting up early tomorrow to go fishing with one of my sons.) Gil
Fishing is the ultimate when it comes to mental health!
Thanks for your blog Dee.