One of my least enjoyable experiences in life is being scolded by someone. In the early years of my ministry I was always looking for mentors. I found three that had a major impact on my life and ministry. But in the process of searching for mentors, I passed over at least a dozen guys who were very successful as Pastors, but the way they communicated with me made me feel like a failure. One guy in particular was very good and he was very anxious to work with me, but I found myself looking for excuses to cancel my next meeting with him. I finally decided that along with the teaching I needed to be encouraged and motivated so I bowed out of that relationship.

It seems like the profession that is most inclined to scold are parents. My observation is that most parents do very little actual parenting until their kid does something wrong or that irritates them, and then they scold them. The word that is used most often in the Bible for parenting is training and teaching. Correcting wrong behavior is important but it can be delayed a bit after the offense and done in a positive way that encourages and motivates.

On the way home from a dairy farmer meeting with my Dad he asked me what would be an effective way to dishonor another person if I wanted to do that. I responded by saying, “Call them a name.” He responded by saying, “Yeh, that would certainly be dishonoring for sure. Did you call anyone in the meeting a name?” I said, “No, I would never do that!” He then said, “I know you wouldn’t do that, but you still dishonored almost everyone at the meeting tonight.” I immediately wrinkled up my face in puzzlement trying to remember doing that. Dad then said, “A very effective way to dishonor another person is to ignore them, and on the other hand, a great way to honor a person is to acknowledge their presence. Which did you do at the meeting?” I didn’t answer as I thought about how I had acted. Dad went on to say, “I had decided to not bring you anymore even though you like to come because of all the donuts and hot chocolate you want, but I will give you one more chance to act like a man instead of a kid. At the next meeting, before you head for the refreshments, you walk around the room and honor people.” Again, I was silent as I tried to figure out exactly what that meant. Dad could see I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, and he then spoke into the vacuum that had formed in my mind as I pondered this assignment. “Walk around and introduce yourself to at least three people that you don’t know. Stick out your hand and say, ‘Hi, my name is Dee Duke, I am Delbert’s son, it is good to meet you.’ “ “They will respond by shaking your hand and telling you their name, and you will have made their day.”

He went on to say, “Kids get their donuts and hot chocolate and go sit in the corner and suck their thumb, communicating loudly that they don’t care about anybody, but themselves.” “You are a man!” Needless to say, at the next meeting I walked around like I owned the place introducing myself to almost everyone that I didn’t know feeling very much like a man and beaming as I saw my Dad’s look of approval and pride in me as his son.