For the last week, I have been in a constant battle with myself working at keeping my motives pure. I have been planning, praying, writing sermons, calling people, planning some more, praying a lot more, writing some more, and some more, and making lists and crossing stuff off of lists, fretting some, and wanting with every fiber in my being for this weekend to be amazing. The Good Friday service, the Saturday Easter service at JBC, the Sunday morning concert and service at Agape Family fellowship, and the services on Sunday at JBC. I agonize over every detail even though I didn’t have much direct influence over most of what happened. I think about the singers while I am trying to go to sleep, wondering about the parking, and redoing my sermon for Good Friday and Sunday at Agape a dozen times.

And all the while asking the question, “What is driving me?” I am so obsessed with this weekend, why? Actually I am so obsessed with every weekend, with every service, with every sermon. I want, I want, I want every week to be better, every prayer event to be better, more people to come through the doors. It is a wonder that I haven’t blown a gasket over the years of obsessing. Praise the Lord for fishing!

Dear Lord, I think I am doing all that I do for You, for the people who need You, I think? Boy oh boy, Lord, I don’t want to get to heaven and find out that most of what I did gets burned up. That would be a major bummer. Lord, I enjoy working hard, I like pushing and striving to make things better and more effective, I get so jazzed by a new record number of people praying. It really isn’t work, it is my passion, my life, my joy, whooooeeee I am having fun! I think that is OK with You. I will keep checking my heart and my motives, and giving You praise, and asking You for more strength, whoooeeee I am getting tired! I better take a nap after I have a piece of pie.