I am teaching a parenting class at our church, and one of the fundamental principles or I guess words is that effective parenting is training and coaching our children not raising them. A parent who follows the training/ coaching model sees themselves as a coach teaching a five-year-old kid how to play tennis and become the world champion by the time they are 20 years old. The one doing the coaching would have a plan, a system for training basic skills and a way of measuring or determining how things were progressing. Very few parents have goals for their kids or strategies on how to achieve those goals.

Patty and I had at least ten goals for our kids, and one of them was that our kids would be tough. There are other words that are used by various authors such as grit, strong, and tenacious but I like the word tough. Tough means that they make adjustments to unexpected difficulties with grace and dignity, turning the trial into a challenge to be conquered and enjoyed instead of a crisis to be whined about.

Our main tool for training each of our eight children to be tough was camping. We went camping for at least a week twice a year. The basic principle in camping is that everything that can possibly go wrong does and so we learn to adjust, fix, or ignore the unexpected problem and turn it into a contest, a challenge to be won. The problems and the unexpected is what makes camping exciting and fun. It is those challenges that become the family stories that are told for year’s.

One of our daughters is getting ready to move into a school bus with her husband and six kids because they sold their house and they will live in the bus while her husband builds a new house for them. My son-in-law has done this numerous times as a professional builder who enjoys the challenge as well as the profit from building and selling houses. They have lived in a one room log cabin, a canvas wall tent, a garage, a little bitty camper, and now a bus. She sends videos to us and to all of her siblings of the remodeling taking place in the bus to make it a home, even if it is a small one. Her words and her tone of voice make it clear that she is not feeling sorry for herself but enjoying the ride. I am sure her kids, our grandkids will grow up to be very tough adults who will manage life and the unexpected well.

We are living in an age when change and the unexpected is becoming the norm. It will be the tough people who bring stability and security to their families, friends, and those around them. The problem is that tough-minded people are becoming very rare.

Pride is a very subtle character flaw. It grows in us and we don’t notice it at all. I see it in people all the time, and I am sure they have no clue. Pride completely disqualifies us from God using us to do His work with His blessing.

On the engine in the 1969 Mustang that my grandson and I are rebuilding are some gauges, an oil pressure gauge, a temperature gauge, and a voltmeter. As we were running the engine after we rebuilt it we paid particular attention to the oil pressure gauge and the temperature gauge, because if we made a mistake in our rebuild, it would show up there.

We have some gauges in our life that indicate that pride is becoming a problem in our life, and we would do well to pay attention to those gauges.

1. How do we respond when someone corrects us, criticizes us, or tries to tell us how to do something that we feel we already know.

When God sees pride growing in our life He will prompt someone to become extra critical and judgmental of our life and performance in some area. If we respond with defensiveness, irritation, arguing, or returning the criticism back on the person who corrected us, know for sure that our pride gauge is in the red area.

The Apostle Paul had many critical, judgmental people in his life, and his response was, “I am well content with insults and criticism because when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2. A person with a pride problem will get their feelings hurt easily. This is often a big problem in marriages, and in families. It is tough being married to a person who you feel like you are walking on eggshells when with them.

3. Prideful people struggle with getting irritated and angry at others because the other person did or said something they didn’t like. Anger is a major blinking red light on the dashboard of our life.

4. Those who have had pride grow in them like a cancer are often argumentative, because they usually think their opinion, idea, or methods are right.

5. In a conflict between two people, if reconciation is going to happen one of the two will need to initiate that reconciliation. Prideful people rarely are the peacemaker in conflicts with others. And along with that they rarely admit that they were wrong.

The longer pride remains in our life the harder it is to conquer it, and become a humble person that God loves. Self-reflection using these five warning lights is a good thing to do if you want to be used by God.,

Here is a great Bible verse to memorize and meditate on.

Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God.

Going back to the NCAA College Championship Basketball game between Kansas and North Carolina last night. As I wrote in yesterday’s blog Kansas was behind by 15 points at halftime, and in the second half of the game they erased the deficit and won by 3 points. Kansas was a totally different team in regards to effort and focus in the second half. Coach Bill Self in his halftime speech to the team told them to double their effort on defense, and he must have delivered that speech with enough passion to motivate his players to do just that.

Words have tremendous power to influence those who hear them if the message is clear and delivered by an excellent communicator. There is also a law of God that comes into play in regards to excellent speech that positively influences others. This law is as sure as gravity. God not only created observable physical laws, but He also created social and relational laws. One of those laws is stated in James 3:11-12, which says, “Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.”

A person who talks to others hurtfully will not be able to speak words that bring out the best in those same people. A father who scolds and humiliates his kids will not be able to build confidence in them or encourage them to higher achievements in life. A husband who dishonors his wife by how he talks to her will not be able to communicate convincingly that he loves her.

Those who want to influence others positively to higher achievement and more excellent performance must work hard at eliminating as much negative, demeaning, hurtful, and dishonoring speech from their vocabulary as possible.

God makes rules for life like basketball has rules for playing the game. Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:5, “No athlete wins the game unless he competes according to the rules!”

I watched college basketball’s championship game tonight between Kansas and North Carolina. North Carolina had a 16 point lead after 15 minutes of play. They were stomping Kansas who was highly favored to win. At halftime, North Carolina was ahead by a whopping 15 points. No team in the history of College basketball has ever come back and won in a NCAA championship game when 15 points down. But Kansas came out after half time and erased the lead and won the game by three points.

I wish I could have been in the locker room at half-time and heard the speach that the coach gave to his players. At the start of the second half of the game Kansas was a different team. Something ignited in each player an incredible will to win that drove them to play exceptional basketball. Words have almost supernatural power, and really good leaders have discovered that fact, but they have also discovered how to communicate those words to those they are leading.

It has been said that everything rises and falls on leadership. John Wooden was one of the greatest college basketball coaches of all time. He started coaching UCLA when I was born in 1948 and he retired when I graduated from college in 1975. In those years, he won ten national championships, and an even dozen books have been written about his leadership philosophy, practice, and skills.

There are a few people who are gifted leaders, they lead intuitively, but most have to learn the art and the skill of leading. The most significant barrier to most people in leadership positions becoming good leaders is their pride; they think they already know how to lead well and have the skill when in fact, they are total novices.

The best way to learn how to lead well is from those who obviously do, but again pride keeps most from seeking counsel and input from others, no matter how good they are.

Husbands, look around and see what men have great marriages and ask for them to give you counsel. Fathers, look around and see who has raised champions and ask for them to mentor you. Wives do the same; Pastors do the same; Youth group leaders do the same; employers do the same, and on and on. God is particularly impressed with those who humble themselves to learn from others. He blesses them and uses them.

Leadership success is to important to let our personal pride keep us from learning and growing in this skill. When we lead well, everyone we influence benefits.

A New Jersey university is launching what it called the world’s first “Master of Arts in Happiness Studies,” and it only costs $17,500 for the 18 month program.

I don’t know for sure, but I am guessing that in the program you are supposed to learn what will make you happy in life. The Bible can tell me that for free, and I am sure it will work much better than the information in the University study program.

Psalms 128:1-2 How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,
Who walks in His ways.
When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands,
You will be happy and it will be well with you.

Jesus preached what is called “the sermon on the Mount,” also called the “Beatitudes.” This sermon could also be called “How to be Happy in Eight Easy Ways.” Let me paraphrase four of them.

Those who are gracious in their speech, who work hard to be kind and gentle in how they deal with a problem or difficulty with another person so as not hurt or offend them will be extremely happy in life.

The person who wants to be righteous and holy in all that they do, and diligently pursues a righteous lifestyle will be very happy.

A person who can’t stand being at odds with another person and does everything possible to reconcile with anybody who is angry or upset with them will be as happy as a duck on a pond.

Anybody who forgives anyone of anything because Jesus has forgiven them of everything will be filled to overflowing with happiness.

Now that didn’t take 18 months to learn in our head, but it probably will take much longer than 18 months to learn in our heart so we actually live it.

Lazarus died from some kind of sickness that lasted for awhile. He was washed with spices and herbs and wrapped in cloth after he died and buried in a cave. After he had been dead for four days Jesus raised him from the dead.

John 11:43-44 When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth.” The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

So, I wonder how many people asked Lazarus how that four days was, and how it felt to die, and how upset was he that he got raised from the dead. What did he think when he regained consciousness but couldn’t see because of the burial cloths around his head and eyes, and then saw Jesus and his sisters. I bet the next time he died was not much of a big deal.

The biggest problem we have with dying is the unknown. Our own impending death, and the impending death of our family and friends wouldn’t be as scary if we knew exactly what was going to happen, and what it felt like. But we don’t. Our own impending death probably takes more faith than any other aspect of our life. All we know is what the Bible tells us, and you either believe the Bible or you don’t.

Philippians 1:21-24 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better.

Paul seemed anxious to die, “having the desire to depart and be with Christ for that is very much better.” It is coming, the day of my death, the day I step into the presence of Christ, it is getting closer every day. I wonder what it will be like, how it will feel. If Lazarus were around I would ask him, but he died, twice.

Jim Lee died Wednesday from cancer. He was a good friend. I went to the Portland swap meet today and I remembered that the first time I ever went over 30 years ago was with Jim. I remember him being pretty serious about the method that we used as we went through the various buildings so that we wouldn’t miss seeing anything that was there. I still remembered that today as I went from row to row and building to building methodically so as not to miss seeing a thing. One of the funniest things I remember about Jim is how hard he tried to have each of our kids say Studebaker as their first word spoken!

I have Pastored JBC for 46 years, and there are 16 people in the church now who have been here as long or close to as long as me, and Jim and Janet are two of those faithful people. Though I guess it would be more accurate to say 15 now because Jim is in heaven with the Lord. The terms that I would use for those 16 are enduring pillars and faithful friends. I seriously doubt whether I would still be here as the Pastor of JBC had it not been for their leadership, personal sacrifice, and hard work.

With all the work we have done on building the various facilities here at JBC over the last 46 years one of the things we would often do on a Friday night was have an all-night work party setting up lights and working until daylight and then going out for breakfast. Jim was at many of those all-nighters, and his enthusiasm would keep everyone awake and working hard through the night.

The last 46 years have been fun, challenging, and amazing. The best part has been building His Church together with other faithful people. It is amazing all that God can do through people who love each other and work together in humility and unity. It is sad to think about the fact that the core group of 16 is starting to shrink in number until we will all be gone gone. But what we have done together will be remembered and built upon for many more years until Jesus comes.