When I was in grade school, I was always evaluating what people said to me or didn’t say, how they looked at me, or whether they appeared to ignore me. What did they think of me? Did they like me? Did they hate me? Did they even notice me?

Then, when I got into High School, I think my curiosity about what people thought of me ramped up to fretting and worrying about my self-image. College was even worse until I met Patty, and then my fretting about whether others liked me was focused only on her. That old image of a guy pulling pedals off a flower saying, “She loves me, she loves me not; not until the last pedal was pulled off did I know the answer, but then I would do it again. Just about every time I tried another flower, the answer would be different. Now, that was a stupid game. Not until we were engaged did I know for sure that I was the only guy in her life and that she loved me. I gained a great freedom from worrying about what anybody thought of me after that; only one person mattered.

When I started pastoring, I again started with questions about whether people liked me, liked my sermons, or thought I was a good pastor. I knew that kind of thinking was unhealthy and that I needed to get control of it, but I struggled with it for years.

In my 14th year of pastoring, I shared my struggles with a former pastor with whom I met monthly for mentoring and counsel. We usually talked about preaching, leadership, and how to grow a church. I think this was the first time we talked about me. He gave me two pieces of advice that significantly impacted my struggle with self-image. The first was to worry only about what Jesus thought of what I was doing, whether I was faithful, responsible, and diligent. 2 Corinthians 5:9 became a memory verse I meditated on day and night, “Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.”

The second thing he counseled me to do was honor, appreciate, and love people unconditionally. He said I needed to forgive anybody for anything and that if I ever felt like someone was treating me poorly or was critical of me, I should double my efforts with them in showing honor. The Biblical principle of “What you sow, is what you reap” was very accurate.

For most of my ministry life, I have lived free from inner turmoil and from worrying about what people might think of me. I still fret a little about what Patty thinks of me, but she always tells me, and then life is good again.