Most people have expectations of us. Those expectations will create a growing pressure in us to conform to please those with the expectations. A significant part of the problem is that we can’t succeed at pleasing them because we are only doing what is expected of us, and as we do succeed at meeting the expectations, the bar is usually raised. Husbands and wives do this to each other without even thinking about it, parents do it to their kids in the name of good parenting, and bosses and supervisors do it in the name of successful business. These expectations, which are seldom identified or acknowledged, make us prisoners and jailers to each other in our relationships. An added problem is that we often have multiple people with expectations of our lives, and they are different, one with this set and another with different expectations. One way to deal with these expectations that others have of us is to rebel, throw a fit, and let them know in no uncertain terms that we are not their slave. That method of escaping often destroys relationships and hurts people.

Let me suggest a few things to do when you find yourself in a jail that others have built around you, one bar at a time, one expectation at a time. First, identify in your thinking what the expectations others have of you are that you don’t like. Try to be as precise as possible in identifying them in your thinking. Don’t fret about them and make them bigger than they are. Expectations that others have of us are like a piece of sand in our shoes; they irritate us, and, pretty soon, it is all we can think about. Then remind yourself that they set these expectations without thinking about what they were doing; we all do it and are seldom aware of it. If it isn’t a purposeful attempt to control your life, it is harder to get upset and feel used and abused by it.

So your wife expects you will not be home later than 5:15 pm. Your husband expects that the house will always be spotless, your boss expects that you will always work overtime, your parents expect a 4.0 grade point every semester, and on the list goes. Not all expectations are wrong or oppressive, so decide which ones you can live with patiently without fussing about them, verbally or in your thoughts.
When possible, choose to “go the second mile” and do more than expected. When you only do what is expected, you are a prisoner; when you do more than what is expected, you act in freedom.
In the Old Testament, Daniel was expected by his captors to eat food that violated Jewish dietary laws. They had this expectation because they believed it was the healthiest food and would make Daniel strong. Daniel graciously suggested a test where he would eat foods that were approved by the standards of the Laws of God for a time, and then the “boss” could check and see if Daniel was healthier. Gracious communication can often clear up expectations and let others know how you feel about them.