Most people have expectations of us. Those expectations will create a growing pressure in us to conform to please those with the expectations. A significant part of the problem is that we can’t succeed at pleasing them because we are only doing what is expected of us, and as we do succeed at meeting the expectations, the bar is usually raised. Husbands and wives do this to each other without even thinking about it, parents do it to their kids in the name of good parenting, and bosses and supervisors do it in the name of successful business. These expectations, which are seldom identified or acknowledged, make us prisoners and jailers to each other in our relationships. An added problem is that we often have multiple people with expectations of our lives, and they are different, one with this set and another with different expectations. One way to deal with these expectations that others have of us is to rebel, throw a fit, and let them know in no uncertain terms that we are not their slave. That method of escaping often destroys relationships and hurts people.

Let me suggest a few things to do when you find yourself in a jail that others have built around you, one bar at a time, one expectation at a time. First, identify in your thinking what the expectations others have of you are that you don’t like. Try to be as precise as possible in identifying them in your thinking. Don’t fret about them and make them bigger than they are. Expectations that others have of us are like a piece of sand in our shoes; they irritate us, and, pretty soon, it is all we can think about. Then remind yourself that they set these expectations without thinking about what they were doing; we all do it and are seldom aware of it. If it isn’t a purposeful attempt to control your life, it is harder to get upset and feel used and abused by it.

So your wife expects you will not be home later than 5:15 pm. Your husband expects that the house will always be spotless, your boss expects that you will always work overtime, your parents expect a 4.0 grade point every semester, and on the list goes. Not all expectations are wrong or oppressive, so decide which ones you can live with patiently without fussing about them, verbally or in your thoughts.
When possible, choose to “go the second mile” and do more than expected. When you only do what is expected, you are a prisoner; when you do more than what is expected, you act in freedom.
In the Old Testament, Daniel was expected by his captors to eat food that violated Jewish dietary laws. They had this expectation because they believed it was the healthiest food and would make Daniel strong. Daniel graciously suggested a test where he would eat foods that were approved by the standards of the Laws of God for a time, and then the “boss” could check and see if Daniel was healthier. Gracious communication can often clear up expectations and let others know how you feel about them.

There are a lot of verses in the Bible about seeking God. Almost all of them have a significant promise attached to them. To seek God isn’t trying to find Him; He is everywhere; it is an admonition to grow close to Him in our relationship with Him.
Staying close to God is like having a good marriage; you pursue intimacy by following basic principles. If you don’t follow the principles, your emotions and feelings will fuel your efforts to grow closer in your relationship, and your emotions quickly become focused on self-needs and wants, and your efforts at a growing intimacy will become lazy and inconsistent.
For much of my Christian life, I thought that knowing God meant understanding Him theologically and knowing all about Him. To know God as I know, Patty seemed illogical because I couldn’t see, touch, or hear Him.
My journey towards genuine intimacy with God has been gradual but steady and has come from being faithful to the principles and disciplines of the Christian life. I read my Bible devotionally almost every day, which is different than studying for a sermon; it is reading with an inner ear alert for a thought that could be from God. I spend time in prayer talking to God daily, often while reading His Word. I confess all known sins to God daily, reflecting on the day, examining my life, and asking Him to show me what needs working on. I work very hard at worshipping well when I am at worship services with our church family, and I try to thank Him all day long for every blessing that comes into my life.
An old retired missionary I used to go to for advice and mentoring said, “When we get to eternity, everyone will have a different relationship with Jesus, just like Jesus did on earth when He was a man. Some will be very close and intimate with Him, while others will be distant in their relationship. What will determine our eternal relationship will be the relationship we have with Him in this life. Some people are very close in their walk with the Lord, and when they step into glory, it will be the same.”

Deuteronomy 4:29 But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and soul.

1 Chronicles 16:10-11 Glory in His holy name;
Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face continually.

Psalms 9:10 And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Psalms 34:10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

Psalms 63:1 O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalms 105:4 Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually.

One of my ongoing goals is to learn a new skill each year. One year, I learned how to “keep bees.” I bought everything I needed, built the hives, and had two hives of bees for about five years when I gave them away to another up-and-coming beekeeper. I learned how to make soap and made lots of soap for three years, and then I gave all my soap-making stuff to another soap maker. I bought a wire feed welder and taught myself to weld from YouTube videos. I also taught myself how to paint cars from YouTube and am now painting a fourth car. Over the years, I have picked up a lot of new skills. Some have been pretty simple, like canning fish or making sausage. One of the more complicated ones was building a greenhouse, putting a 400-gallon tank in the ground, and raising Tilapia in an aquaponics system; that was a lot of fun. At the end of last year, when I was writing my new goals for 2024, I was trying to think of a new skill I wanted to learn that would be fun, relaxing, challenging, and good for a guy approaching old age. I have a Pastor friend who is an artist who paints beautiful pictures, mostly of different animals. I know several people in the church who are taking painting lessons, and my sister-in-law is a great artist who gives lessons. I “googled” artistic painting for beginners and found lots of information. One article suggested that I begin with “paint-by-numbers” painting to learn the mechanics of holding and painting with a small brush. I found a ton of information on companies that sold high-quality, expert-level pictures with all the paint and brushes I would need, as well as coaching on how to make a “paint-by-number” look like a “regular painting” by blending the colors inside the “hard lines.”

I have finished my first painting of a collogue of wild animals, and it turned out pretty good by my standards. I have it framed and hanging on the wall next to my recliner. I am working on my second painting of an old guy fishing in a creek with a red 1952 Ford pickup parked on the bank. The Ford pickup I rebuilt was a red 1949, but that is close enough.

I have found that I enjoy this new skill that I am working on; it is very relaxing, a positive distraction from life’s hecticness, and a new skill and a learning experience.

I wrote a book on prayer about 25 years ago. NavPress published it and quit printing it a few years ago. I have made a goal to write ten more books in the next 15 years. The first one is in the process now as a few helpers, and I am collecting the best of the blogs I have written from July 2014 until now and putting them in a book as lessons for living the Christian life. I will also write a book for Pastors on crucial lessons I have learned over the last 47 years of pastoring; I will write one on the Theology of eternal rewards, one on parenting, one on marriage, another Pastor book on how to start and teach a “Leadership Class” in your church, a couple of Christian novels, and several about our Bicycle trips across the United States. That is a big goal, but I think I can do it if I write the books like I do my blogs, 300 to 500 words every day. I will also try going away all by myself and writing ten hours a day for a week and see what happens. I might also try doing that for a month.

I have always been a dreamer, thinking about the years ahead and what might be and what could be if I worked hard and had a Nobel purpose behind my dreams. When I was 20 years old, I got married and had many dreams, but not one was about being a pastor; I didn’t have a single thought about writing books. I hoped we would have some kids, but I had no idea we would have eight, that they would all be champions for Jesus, and that we would have 28 grandkids, and I have no clue how many grandkids will show up.

I am fascinated with the concept of writing. We have the Bible in writing; God wrote the Ten Commandments with His finger in stone. Psalms 139 says that God wrote His plans for my life in His book. I will work at writing so that my books last over the years because of their value and power to stimulate life change. I am listening to podcasts on writing, reading books on writing, and reading books on various topics written by good writers. I pray daily and ask God to guide, bless, and use me for His glory through this goal.

I have been a bit depressed for the last year, feeling unmotivated, tired, and sort of bored with life because I needed something to challenge me and motivate me. This goal has gotten me revved back up.

I was recently talking to a guy who had just finished his first marathon. We talked about how your mind takes over around miles 18 to 22 and screams at you to stop running because you are killing yourself. This experience that almost all marathon runners have is called hitting the wall, and until you have experienced it, it is hard to understand. But once you have experienced it, you are amazed at how much power your brain has to control your actions, even when they are contrary to what you really want to do. If a person runs multiple marathons, he learns how to run through the wall by ignoring the thoughts that pour into his mind to quit and replacing those thoughts with positive; I can do it thoughts. On the second marathon I ran in Vancouver, British Colombia, I got to mile 18, and there was the beginning of a one-mile-long hill. As I started up the mountain, my mind started whining and complaining, and then a spectator stood up out of his lawn chair and held up a sign he had written that said, “You can do it.” He shouted, “Hey, number 440 (my bib number), I wrote this sign just for you”. It was amazing how powerful that sign was. It shouted out encouragement at the perfect time, changed my self-talk, and I kept running and improved my first marathon time by 30 minutes. Our minds are like spoiled children; we must train them to be strong and tough. Our mind is connected to our Old Nature, which is selfish, lazy, self-absorbed, and likes comfort. The people who accomplish the most in life train their brains and take every thought captive to obedience to Christ.

I was supposed to go steelhead fishing tomorrow, but it got rained out; the river was too high, so we canceled. This is the third fishing trip in a row in the last month that has gotten canceled because of weather; bummer. Regularly and often, things go wrong, not how we hoped or dreamed or what we expected. My life seems to go in seasons where a bunch of bummers happen all together, and then there will be a reprieve, and then life goes pretty well. I have lived long enough to know it doesn’t rain forever; the sun will shine pretty soon, and the fish will bite.

A string of rainy days and canceled fishing trips can make a person sad and depressed if they let it. I work at finding a new focus, a substitute for what I was planning, or a replacement guaranteed to be a winner. I am reading the installation instructions for my new Rohloff 500-14 rear hub for my bicycle tonight. I am so excited about getting it on my bike and giving it a test drive down the road. I have read the manual thrice, watched three YouTube videos on installing it, and watched several longer videos about how much more enjoyable riding a bicycle is with a Rohloff 500-14; I can’t wait.

You probably think I am weird getting so excited about a rear bicycle hub, but if you only knew what this baby can do!

The point is, there is something in your life, probably not very far away, that you could focus on that would bring some joy into your life instead of mopping around about what went wrong.

One of the things that I often heard my Dad say was, “Always do the right thing because it is the right thing.” People often say, “It is so hard to know what is right.” No, it isn’t; we always know the right thing to do. The problem is that the right thing is usually the hard thing, and we would rather do the easy thing, so we make the choice hard because, in our mind, we are trying to talk ourselves into doing the easy thing, and we confuse our own conscience.

The Apostle Paul says in Galatians 6:7, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”

That means that when we do what is right, we will reap the rewards of the right choice we made, and when we do what is wrong, unwise, selfish, or hurtful, we will reap the consequences.

The problem for many is that the crop that we reap is delayed long enough after the sowing that we don’t connect the dots between our choices and the consequences that occur in our life; we blame them on our boss, our neighbors, or the government, and never grow in wisdom, so we keep making the same easy choices in life.

It doesn’t take much listening to conversations before you hear someone blaming someone else for their problems. Every morning, it is a simple commitment: “Today, I will not complain or grumble, and I will not blame anybody else for my problems.” It is simple to make but not easy to keep, but if we keep making the commitment, we will move in the right direction.

I know many people in our church who are older than I am. Some are in their 90s and are still doing reasonably well. But at 75, I still consider myself beyond simply senior, and now I am an old man. I am reminded of my status in life every time I attempt to tie my shoe laces or pick something up off the floor. I have been going to the YMCA in Albany with Patty; we bought a membership right after the first of the year. There are a lot of other old guys in there at the same time as us. I sit in the sauna for about 15 minutes as the last thing on my agenda at the “Y.” A number of other old guys do as well, so I enter into conversations with them. As a result of my time in the sauna with these scintillating conversations, I have made a short list of guidelines for my time in the old guy stage of life. I have a much longer list, but I don’t want to violate guideline #11.
1. If I ever have surgery of any kind, I will not talk about it to anybody except my doctor and my wife.
2. I will never mention to anyone except my doctor how many bowel movements I have had in the last week.
3. I will not be a tightwad. I will tip generously and won’t debate the total on every receipt I get.
4. I will not complain about the weather, no matter how rainy or icy it may be.
5. I will not gossip about or slander anyone, especially those in my family.
6. I will not talk politics.
7. I will speak of Jesus, the Bible, and my church more.
8. I will tell stories of my kids’ and grandkids’ accomplishments, not mine.
9. The exception to #8 is fishing stories.
10. I will laugh at other people’s attempts to be funny unless it is immoral or rude.
11. I will work very hard not to bore people with my conversations.
12. I will honor others by listening attentively to their stories, no matter how boring they might be.

These verses in 2 Peter are my new “everyday meditate on verses.” There is so much information in these seven verses. I don’t like to fill up my blog with too many Bible verses because I like to keep it short and readable, and I know you have your own Bible reading time and schedule, but these are so good I will include all seven verses.

2 Peter 1:5-11
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.

One of the phrases that jumps out to me is, “if these qualities are yours and are increasing they render you neither useless nor unfruitful.”

So much of the time, I focus on the tasks and the ministries that need to be done in my living for and serving the Lord. But this passage puts the focus on growing in character. If I grow in these character qualities, I will be neither useless nor unfruitful for Jesus.

The key to growing in these character traits is ” applying all diligence” and “being all the more diligent.” I understand what that means, and I can do that.

The word repent is used often in the Bible, mainly as a command. We generally know what it means, but it is an intimidating word, so we tend to read it and not spend much time thinking about its application to our lives. It can, in places, mean to change how we think, but it usually means to change how we act or behave. We tend to think it is like walking into a changing room wearing old, dirty clothes and walking out wearing spiffy, new clothes, an immediate change based on our choosing what to wear. Most people want to change who they are and try to change, but not much difference takes place. Most people have given up on the “repent” thing and have settled for different coping methods to help them live comfortably with who they are.

Most of the Bible is filled with principles and guidelines on how to change, and most of them suggest that repenting is a process, not an immediate “about face.” Because I am a sequential thinker and a mechanic at heart, I like solutions to problems in steps, and each step to be pretty small.

The first step is identifying a sin, problem, or character flaw I want to change. I have many, but I only pick one or two to work on at a time; otherwise, I don’t do well for several reasons.

Second, I write out what I want to change as clearly as possible, making it measurable so I know whether I am moving. I write it out as an absolute; otherwise, I will become content with a partial change

When I fail, I confess it to the Lord with no justification or excuses; I own my failure 100%. I then recommit to conquer this problem and ask the Lord to give me His strength to do His will. As I notice positive progress in my behavior, I thank the Lord for making me increasingly more like Him.

If I can find books, sermons, or podcasts that revolve around the issue I am working on, I will work at learning as much as I can from others on how to conquer this problem in my life. Also, if I know of people who have had success in the area I am working on, I will seek counsel from them

Often, an area of my life that I am working on needs some accountability from others to succeed. The humility required to seek accountability or counsel from others is very pleasing to the Lord, and He will reward it with great strength.

A problem that I had in the past was getting angry at Patty. Anger is a problem that many people have that rarely gets better. I wrote, “I will never get angry at Patty, not even a little bit irritated, no matter what she has done and no matter how many times she has done it.” I told her of my commitment and that every time I said, “I love you,” I was remaking my promise to her.

Occasionally, I get irritated at her and say something hurtful, but I repent again, saying to myself, “I will only speak words that edify and build up, never words that are spoken from anger or irritation.”

Change is slow and complex; the key is to keep diligently pursuing it, never get apathetic or lazy about repenting.,