For most of my life I have had a gift from the Lord, being naturally motivated and having an abundance of energy. I have always made goals, to do lists, and I am always trying to get more done than I did the day before. I have a difficult time sitting for very long before I am off on a new project. I am never happier than when I am super busy, and the most rewarding feeling for me is being dead, dog tired at the end of a day. I don’t think it was anything special I did, I think that it is just the way God wired me. You can call it a blessing or a curse, but for me, most of my life I have looked at it as a huge blessing from God.
I have always had days in the past where I was totally unmotivated to do anything, but it rarely ever lasted more than a day, and then I was back pushing to get a new project done.
But for the last month I have been struggling with being totally unmotivated to do anything, not depressed, just a general lack of energy, physically and emotionally. I am still being faithful to my duties, responsibilities, and disciplines getting them done with shear discipline and self-control, but it is a drag. I find myself drawn to my recliner to take a nap all through the day.
I don’t know what the cause is, but I would like to figure it out and fix it. It could simply be old age and naturally declining energy, it could be this COVID thing that has my schedule all off course, and my dreams and goals on hold, it could be related to my having Parkinson’s, and it getting worse, most people with Parkinson’s struggle with this.
If it is one of the above or a combination of all three I probably am going to have to grow in self-control and discipline so I can continue to bear fruit for the Lord and bear even more and more fruit, even if I don’t feel like doing anything. I have been journaling a bunch of late on the necessity of doing just that as a possible new chapter in my life.
I don’t like feeling tired, I don’t like getting less done rather than more, I don’t like feeling like a wimp, I don’t like feeling old.
I am not writing this as an attempt to get sympathy from you, and I am certainly not looking for advice on how to fix it, though I am not above getting counsel from friends on dealing with stuff they have already gone through. What I am wanting to do is write about my journey through life, describing the challenges and struggles that I have, and how I deal with them. Always a pastor at heart and gifting I want to teach, influence, and encourage those in my life to always live for the lord and run the race set before us with endurance and joy. The best way I know how to do that now is by modeling, by being an example to those going through similar struggles. That is my goal with this daily blog.